Here is some advice from friends of childless women. They are often the ones the childless woman wants to confide in the most. Their non-judgement means so much to their friend.
The way I think about it – if someone was walking their entire life, and was planning to walk their entire life. Then at 25 found out that they can’t walk…ever – they have legs…but they don’t work. Taking their feelings into account, the last thing you would do is complain about having to walk somewhere…right? There are plenty of other people you know who you can complain to about it…complain to them…
I compare that to this situation:
A girl is brought up telling her that she is meant to be a mother – and plans on it her entire life. Only to one day find out she can’t bear children…Don’t complain to her when your feet are swollen or your back hurts or your terrible gas when you are pregnant…or when you are up all night with a colicky baby…or when your kids make a mess in the kitchen…she would GLADLY welcome all those pain and problems.
Be supportive when she wants to vent about her situation. Don’t judge what she says. Too many women take for granted the ability to bear children. They don’t understand that it truly is a MIRACLE.
Don’t be hurt when she doesn’t want to come to your child’s birthday party – she may be having a ‘day’ and not want to have her situation crammed down her throat.
Remember Heavenly Father loves her and she is a strong woman for being chosen to have this trial.
Respect her and any of her wishes for her life and any of her family choices (adoption, surrogacy, etc.)…it is HER life…not yours.
Be there for her when she wants to rant and cry about it. Just listen. There is NOTHING you can do to fix the problem…so listen to her…
If you are nervous or worried before speaking with her – say a prayer. Pray that you will say the right things, and you will have a good time together without hurt feelings.
Wait for them to bring up your kids and their lives. I know they are a big part of your life – but again – you would go on raving about the beautiful sunset you saw the other night to a blind person…
DO NOT>>>DO NOT say things like, “well, you can always adopt…” or, “you are so lucky you get to sleep all night”, “You should be happy! You can do whatever you want without having to think about what you need to do with your kids”…
Just give some thought to your words and actions – things more people should do in general these days.
~ Advice from a friend of a childless woman